Freedom on the Inside

I first understood these words being released from a short term in prison. Yes, prison. And if you saw me you would know that is the last place you would ever picture a person like me. The girls inside said so too. Live & learn. Yet some don't, I did. But by the "Grace" of God go I. That is a story for another time. However, there was a particular Bible being handed out there. Paperback. Steel Blue, artsy design. On the back cover was a pair of muscled, shackled hands. The kind of shackles used on the old slave ships, 3" inches in length, thick, not the "bracelets" you see today. The words above the picture said,"Freedom On The Inside". The picture & those words have remained etched in my mind through the years, resurfacing on many an occasion. You can look at the faces of children & families in less privileged countries than America & see they have true joy. I have seen genuine Peace on the faces of those whose lives are being robbed by cancer. I have seen authentic Love being displayed through forgiveness after a heinous crime was committed. Freedom on the inside. It is not a given. It is worked for. Not as in "9 to 5" for 50 years with a now obsolete pension. Not shuffling amongst the rat race, forging ahead through the muck & mire of life to pay off a mortgage. {And lucky to pay it before you die}. Not even being committed to a spouse after taking "forever" vows. It is personal. It is individual. It is not always nor easily attained. For shackles can enclose the heart, capture our mind which is our soul. It can wind like Ivy through our spirit. It can encapsulate our very thought processes. It can hold us captive. More captive than I was behind bars. It is a profound hell of sorts. There are select "catch" phrases that I detest. "Life's not a bed of roses", comes to mind first. Well .... ya think?? Usually coming from someone who is living what I call a "charmed" life. "Don't live in the past". True that. Don't. All the regrets in the world won't & can't change it. HOWEVER can I please talk about the "past" in the course of conversation sometimes to get closure & GET PAST the past ?? Trust & believe there is A LOT of past from 54 years. Thank you. "Life is what you MAKE it". Yep. When life sends perpetual storms, no , not rain, not storms, tidal waves & monsoons, taking out an umbrella just won't cut it. AND for many, life was MADE into a wonderful career because mommy & daddy cared to pay for your college not pharmaceuticals to dope you up. "Make better choices." This ones classic. One of the reasons I have "made the choice" not to hang out with groups of women. One Pastors wife so ignorantly stated,"Well surely once you hit 40 you automatically KNOW better about certain things." KNOW better than what ?? Spoken from someone who has had a "good" life with ONE husband & can hit the salon to maintain the "perfect" hairstyle every 6 to 8 weeks ?? Talk to your own kind woman. I used to live like her. It's more bondage than the shackles. Having to feel I could not step out the door without the perfect 30 minute make-up application & every hair in it's proper place. Even then feeling like I didn't look "right". What I've come to learn after life's heinous, perpetual attacks against me is WHO I REALLY AM !! Praise God !!!! I KNOW who "I AM !! Not who my mom & daddy said I was. Not who my ex-husbands wanted me to be. Not a "step ford wife" model of every other woman .... ME !!!! I am a unique woman extra ordinaire !! I am "every woman" as Whitney so beautifully sings. I am an exceptional, talented, giving loving, Momma, Nana, sister, daughter & friend to countless many who have crossed paths with me on this journey called life. I am rather known internationally by several in countries such as Arabia & India as a result of my ministry services with brothers & sisters in Christ everywhere !! I searched for myself in "ALL" the wrong people, places & things.  At 54 years old,  I FOUND ME. It's wonderful !! It's fabulous !! It's freeing !! YOU can have it. Freedom !! TRUE FREEDOM !! Freedom on the inside !! You don't have to land in prison & get kicked to the curb 50, 000 times like I did. You don't have to work 9 to 5 forever & hope at that time you have earned it. You  don't have to wistfully ponder," I have done everything 'RIGHT' & it still evades me." Connect with the "lover of your soul", Jesus Christ. Take time to know you. If you don't know you, find you. You can be found. Where there's life, there's hope. One of my greatest desires in life is for "ALL" God's people, every color, every nation, every religion, everywhere to find TRUE freedom !!!! Freedom in the heart, freedom in the soul, freedom everyday, all the time with every breath; freedom. THEN one can LIVE !! Truly live. Regardless of salary or stature. Regardless of geographics or habitations. Regardless of what is had or not had. To breathe in & breathe out .... FREEDOM !!!!