"View From A Jeep"

So-o.... I'm back !!!! Hundreds of stories have been experienced as everyday is a story. I have so much churning inside so there's much catching up to do. Like 50 years worth. Hopefully I will become more dedicated to this gift that's graciously been given to me. I just received that revelation this morning. Something I heard as I have been struggling to pull out of this deep darkness called depression that decided to visit New Years Day morning and not leave for 6 weeks. Worded as it was it struck a chord that hadn't been struck before. Dedication to what I've committed myself to. I apologize for the letter style change. I can't seem to change it back. Anyway, I know this of course. About committed dedication.It was just the way it came to me this day. In this way. Valentines Day Eve morning. A ray of light came through my single bedroom window in my converted basement bedroom where I currently dwell. I'm still in "shared" communal housing. Far from ideal but beats the streets. This ray of light was special. The way my room is positioned to the house, when the sun comes out it is not direct. And as we have been in our rainy season here in  beautiful Washington state it has naturally been overcast, gloomy or foggy for awhile. "Light Therapy" hasn't even been possible. And the cutest, chubby little bird came to my ground level view and chirped the prettiest little song, looking in at me when I normally only get crows. Love from Heaven. God was visiting me. Saying,"Come. I've sent this for you. I Love you. Come feel the sun I have set out in the sky for you. Too much time has passed in mere existence. Live while you have today. " I had a pressing urge to hurry & shower which I find an impossible chore when depressed. But something lifted. That black cloud dissipated in the light. Within minutes I heard my cell phone playing it's tune. Expecting word back from my youngest girl, I was surprised to find it was from my oldest. Pleasantly surprised. Time with my grown children is few and far between as they are in their busy 20's & 30's years of their productive , young lives. They tend to forget about their Mommas. Sometimes out of sight is out of mind. Maybe more accurately I'm placed on the back burner. It's the natural way of things at this stage of life .... unfortunately. I understand. Rachel & I had plans four days prior to this but I have been trying to pull out of this horrible bronchial, strep, flu thing on top of the dreaded depression & just couldn't pull it together. I had to cancel. I Love that God knows the desires of our heart. I was yearning to see her before Valentines Day and lo and behold, here is my message from her simply stating," Hungry " ?? .... Is the sky blue ?? Today , yes it is. I hurriedly & happily do my best at beautification,{it takes longer as we princesses get older}. I'm getting my emotions, which have lain dormant for 6 awful weeks back & boy does it feel like new life infused into my being !! Would that I could abolish all depression from every living creature with a mighty nuclear blast from now forever more as it is a great thief of all that i good !! As I'm finishing up I'm wishing I'd taken heed at my first internal nudging of getting ready. I covet every precious moment I get with my children & grand children. They are what make my heart beat. Through all the profound sorrows and tragedies of my life, they are why my heart still beats, quite literally. One more one word text comes in, "Here", it says. I had pre-opened the garage door before I applied my make up so I could fly through, not wasting a second. I am one always "staging" in preparation for a departure. Regardless of when or where. I believe I have not seen Rachel since Christmas. WAY too long. I did fly through. Straight to her partially unrolled window grabbing her with a foreign feeling smile on my face, not willing to wait on an already overdue hug. Just to breathe her in, look at her lovely yet tired face for a moment before climbing into her navy blue Jeep. My youngest of 7 princesses is in the back seat. Every time I see her I am flashing back to the late 80's, early '90s as she is truly my Rachel's "mini-me". Her momma incarnate. To her soul. Three generations of us ladies occupying this vehicle. Love, Love, Love when this happens. Especially when Savannah's with us. Wish my own mom could join. Another story for another time for sure. So Rachels had her sights on a little Italian dig in Fircrest. Quaint & nostalgic. Like stepping into little Italy. Maybe 8 tables in the place. Italian through and through !! No cheeseburgers here. Everything Italian is close to my heart as I married one & have an Italian son from him. Memories of the DeLucas come flooding back. Passionate people these Italians. I developed deep Love or them. Of course most Americans I venture to say are raised with some diet including Italian fare so that is nothing new in itself. But I'm talkin' authentic here. I got quite good at genuine Italian cooking myself & am convinced it is one of the worlds most spectacular international delights. We order and take in our surroundings. Honestly like a scene from an old movie an elderly man walks up to the counter & yells,"HEY FRANKIE!! Where's Frankie?? How ya doin' ?? " My daughter was facing that direction from our small table & nudged me to notice. She always takes in 100 things at once. That's the photographer in her. We made rounds in the small store; Deli as they tend to our order. One couldn't find more authentic pastas, sauces & olive oils. I'm sure they are imported. The cost proved it. The lively mild chatter was inviting. A really cozy vibe permeates this place. As we hungrily partake of the scrumptious sandwiches, we try not talking with our mouths full to fit in every bit of conversation we can playing catch up in this ridiculously short span of time. My littlest Princess is happily munching a tiny side salad Rachel shares with her. I always say she is this full woman trapped in a living doll body. You would have to know her to understand. Her speech holds three and four syllable words at 4 years old. You can take her anywhere. She knows exactly how to act & not to act & trust & believe she can shop with the best of us !! All too briefly time slips away as all wonderful moments do & my Rachel has to get me back in time to pick up her little guy at school. My only Prince, Alyx. He will be a preteen before long here. Two of my favorite words.... don't blink. As we glide through traffic there are virtually no lulls in conversation. I don't even know what that means. I notice the skyscape. Perfectly true "sky blue". Luscious swirls of delicate, cottony clouds in sweeps & swirls. God showing off again. As we turn left at the last stop light, just passing lovely Wapato Park, I am once again saddened at the brevity of our time. In this case it really was brief. Less than 2 hours. Grateful to be sure for so much ne awareness lighting it's way into my mind & just for another chance to share whatever time I am given with my children be it 5 minutes or 5 hours. Every moment counts adding to all of my other moments at other times and seasons of my life with people I Love most. As I notice new streaks of silver insisting it's way through my once chestnut hair I am painfully aware of how fleeting time is and silently thank God for a most special day. Your at the Pen, Sher